The Manic Dynamic

As with most, you have ups and downs. Moods that are good and moods that are, not so good. But at what point in this long spectrum does being not so good become depressed. And at what point does feeling good become manic.

My manic moods are easy to spot. Constant hyperactivity. Everything is a game and if it’s not it will be. A biscuit in a tin can be entertainment and laughter for hours. A squirrel in the park is the best thing ever and an excuse for acting like one. Walking like a penguin, because I can walk like penguin. Or chasing my wife acting like a monkey. Endless euphoria.

But with this manic episode comes the moment of realisation that I have been in an episode. By now I have already realised the euphoria is ending. Soon I will be normal again, if I’m lucky.

When I’m not lucky, my mood continues to go down beyond feeling a little down to the depths of depressed. Not that I recognise this at the time. My thoughts slow and become obsessive and paranoid. The world turns to being against me and darkness my new friend.

But sure enough, this also fades and I’m back to normal, hopefully. You get the idea. The recognition of either extreme is not accepted by me until after it ends.

At least each time you come out the other end. Sometimes as a monkey and sometimes as a paranoid obsessive. They are both me just to the extreme of the mood spectrum.

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